3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
