Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Found your dick twin last night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
