She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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