my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
