Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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