getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
