meet me or not, i'm out of control
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
