the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
