I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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