her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
