I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize