Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
