U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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