I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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