my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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