Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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