i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
