It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i believe in u and ur pee
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
