Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
