I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
