She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Let's paint friendship bongs
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
