i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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