I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize