I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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