This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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