drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
