Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
