$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
