I heard we made out
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize