Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We smell like vodka and hangover
His nipple licking is glorious
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