so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
