What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
