they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
