tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize