god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
