I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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