Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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