Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
