This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
