I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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