I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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