so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
