At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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