just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
