the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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