I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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