Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
