Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize