thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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