Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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