Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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