At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
