do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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