i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
