True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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