I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
