Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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