never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
