I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
