I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
