If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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