I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
