did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
