you have to choose: penises or morals?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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