dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
