I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize